Have you ever felt that the only thing standing between you and doing the things you want to do might be some really fickle things like the things people say or things people do? The tongue holds all sorts of power and so do the people behind the tongue. Most of our battles are from within and even though we fail to admit it, the things people say will affect 90% of our unconscious decisions. For example, a 17 year old high schooler whose goal is to proceed into further education might come from an underprivileged home where the chances of college education are slim. She is focused on doing her best and getting a scholarship or she might even be prepared to work through college. However, her support system is weak, family laughs at her, peers says she should really forfeit that dream. She is constantly bombarded by negative encouragement. Now this is just an example, we all face a lot of similar situations where we encounter negativity and lack of support. The key to getting through all these discouragements and emerging on top of your dreams is creating your own world.
In this new world, the only people that matter are those who believe and add positively to your dreams. In this new world everyone else and what they say really don't count. I remember a time my dad sat me down and started making suggestions as to how and what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Needless to say, these suggestions were in the 180 degree direction to mine. However, this was my dad, I am not going to walk off as I firmly believe in respect and humility. What I did was I managed to go into my little world for the duration of the 1 hour of the time he thought we were having a positive conversation that fitted into his ideas for my life. I kept nodding my head with the many variations of 'uhun'. In reality, I was imagining this place where I had fulfilled my dreams, how I got there, how wonderful it felt, how much hard work put in.. I was essentially not in the same room, or world, as my dad was.
This has worked for me A LOT. I killed two birds with one stone by showing my dad that his opinions are welcome but I disallowed his negativity from getting to me by..well, not really listening. I use this for essentially anyone who do not understand my dreams or visions, this could be anyone from family to old friends to people who you don't even know that judge you regardless. Your world is a place of reassurance, a place of hope, a place to reprimand yourself and keep yourself steering is the right direction, a place to work hard until you succeed. Only you and believers of your dream will be present in this world.
Now wouldn't it be nice if all your family and friends were able to live with you in this world. Yes, it would, but life does not always happen this way. You will need to let go of loved ones and love them outside of your world. Remember, this is your life, it is your responsibility. you cannot blame your future failure on anyone. So, as long as your dreams and your goals are realistic (see my blog on dream, plan and execute) then it is time to create your world. Sometimes you will need to move a physical distance of your world far away from anyone outside your world. By this, I mean you may have to leave home, move to somewhere else where you can focus and carry out your goals within your own world.
In summary, the things people say can affect your dreams and goals. Do not fall into this cycle. Create your own world and move your world away physically and mentally from the outside world. Remember, your world may not necessarily consist of people you have known for the whole of your life. The only people relevant in that world are those who believe in your dreams This doesn't mean abandoning your family, friends etc Just because they don't believe in your dreams doesn't mean they are terrible people. Love them outside of your world but keep your world exclusive and be able to keep them outside of your world but inside of your life.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Feeding Your Shortcomings
No one is perfect. Regardless of what message the new age media might be communicating, there is no one without one or two areas that they are just terrible at. I know I have mine.
Our shortcomings, no matter how trivial they may be, will affect us and the relationships we have in more than one way. I know the title of this post might be misleading as 'feeding' something will actually cause it to grow. No, the post title does not imply making your shortcomings even worse than they already are. Imagine every area of your life (spiritual, financial etc) as healthy 11 year old kids. Now imagine your shortcoming as looking like a very under malnourished 11 year old kid. Feeding your shortcoming will mean bringing it back to the state where it should be.
Shortcoming vary from very trivial things to very important stuff. However, they will most likely affect us and our relationships with people in similar ways. Shortcomings could be anything from knowing how to cook to cleanliness or more serious issues such as time or anger management.
Identifying your Shortcomings
Denial is something special. Most of us are blind to see or accept the fact that we do have shortcoming. An adult who is not a good house keeper, especially a female might not see this as a shortcoming until she decides to live together with her significant other. An overweight individual may not see the reason to lose weight or have a carefree attitude towards losing weight until they have a serious risk condition caused by obesity. A less than confident individual may have been doing OK just getting by' and coping with the stresses of the society until one day, something hits home and they breakdown.
Whatever it is that your shortcoming is, identifying it is key to feeding it. In most cases, you short coming would have been pointed out to you before, probably more than once. I am not happy with my shortcomings so I take active steps to eliminate them. If you are comfortable with your shortcomings, you are in denial. A shortcoming hinders you from reaching your true potential. It will always be there waiting to bring you down when you least expect. Is that what you really want? Wouldn't you rather identify it and start taking actions towards it?
I'll tell about my shortcoming. I am not the tidiest person you know. I work 24/7 so my brain just automatically sees tidiness as something that is less important. You will find my clothes on the floor and yes, my shoes will be at the north and south poles of the room. Secretly, I wished I could be immaculate but I honestly don't have time for it. I didn't make any excuse for it, I just thought about a way to feed it. Trying to be tidy was out of the question, I had little time for it.
Feeding Your Shortcomings
There was only one solution, hiring a cleaner. Yes, I said it. Yes, it costs. Yes, that means a little extra out of my pocket BUT the shoes are in the racks, the beds are made and having a tidy clean and scented environment is what i would rather come home to. However, if you did not know this and came to visit me at home you might be in shock of how 'in place' everything is. Of course I didn't do it, but my space is tidy. Goal achieved. Shortcoming fed, this time- with money. Be aware that feeding a shortcoming with money will be expensive but for me this solution is cost effective and fit into my personal life.
However, the way I feed mine does not automatically mean that is the only way. If I had more time, I probably could dedicate specific times of the day to making my space and environment more welcoming. This goes for anything else, because there are some things money cant buy, some shortcomings need to be fed through time, hard work, practice and dedication. Obviously, this only works if you are tired of your shortcoming and you are ready to do something about it.
I am yet to see a shortcoming that a solution cannot be found for. If you are willing to feed your shortcomings, it WILL eat. We as a people need to strive to be better. The phrase ' my imperfections make me perfect' is true to a certain degree but some people take this too far. The less shortcomings you have, the better you will feel and the more accomplished you can be in life. Take action today.
Shortcoming vary from very trivial things to very important stuff. However, they will most likely affect us and our relationships with people in similar ways. Shortcomings could be anything from knowing how to cook to cleanliness or more serious issues such as time or anger management.
Identifying your Shortcomings
Denial is something special. Most of us are blind to see or accept the fact that we do have shortcoming. An adult who is not a good house keeper, especially a female might not see this as a shortcoming until she decides to live together with her significant other. An overweight individual may not see the reason to lose weight or have a carefree attitude towards losing weight until they have a serious risk condition caused by obesity. A less than confident individual may have been doing OK just getting by' and coping with the stresses of the society until one day, something hits home and they breakdown.
Whatever it is that your shortcoming is, identifying it is key to feeding it. In most cases, you short coming would have been pointed out to you before, probably more than once. I am not happy with my shortcomings so I take active steps to eliminate them. If you are comfortable with your shortcomings, you are in denial. A shortcoming hinders you from reaching your true potential. It will always be there waiting to bring you down when you least expect. Is that what you really want? Wouldn't you rather identify it and start taking actions towards it?
I'll tell about my shortcoming. I am not the tidiest person you know. I work 24/7 so my brain just automatically sees tidiness as something that is less important. You will find my clothes on the floor and yes, my shoes will be at the north and south poles of the room. Secretly, I wished I could be immaculate but I honestly don't have time for it. I didn't make any excuse for it, I just thought about a way to feed it. Trying to be tidy was out of the question, I had little time for it.
Feeding Your Shortcomings
There was only one solution, hiring a cleaner. Yes, I said it. Yes, it costs. Yes, that means a little extra out of my pocket BUT the shoes are in the racks, the beds are made and having a tidy clean and scented environment is what i would rather come home to. However, if you did not know this and came to visit me at home you might be in shock of how 'in place' everything is. Of course I didn't do it, but my space is tidy. Goal achieved. Shortcoming fed, this time- with money. Be aware that feeding a shortcoming with money will be expensive but for me this solution is cost effective and fit into my personal life.
However, the way I feed mine does not automatically mean that is the only way. If I had more time, I probably could dedicate specific times of the day to making my space and environment more welcoming. This goes for anything else, because there are some things money cant buy, some shortcomings need to be fed through time, hard work, practice and dedication. Obviously, this only works if you are tired of your shortcoming and you are ready to do something about it.
I am yet to see a shortcoming that a solution cannot be found for. If you are willing to feed your shortcomings, it WILL eat. We as a people need to strive to be better. The phrase ' my imperfections make me perfect' is true to a certain degree but some people take this too far. The less shortcomings you have, the better you will feel and the more accomplished you can be in life. Take action today.
Dream, Plan & Execute
For the most part, we all have dreams. The average person will end up not achieving their dreams but will probably still do alright. There is a fine line between dreaming and actually living the dream in the positive light in which you envisioned your dream. An even fewer percentage that do get to come close to living their dream may get sidetracked from the 'why' of the purpose of their dream.
Now, a dream could be anything. It could an ambitional deam which might include owning your own business, getting on the forbes 100, becoming a reknown actress, worldwide envangelism and so on. However, there is nothing such as a small dream. We all dream of less ambitious but albeit impotant to us things, such as weight loss, finding our perfect life partner, having 3 children and so on. Whatever your dream(s) may be, realise that your ability to dream is your first step towards your journey of executing your dream. So, we all know what our dreams are, yet why is the majority settling for the next best deal offered by the push and pull of a pyramid society?
You and your dream.
There is a difference between a dream and a fanstasy. A 45 year old man with no experience in the music industry trying to become a rapper with 4kids and 3 grandson is having a fantasy and needs a reality check. Please understand that there are some situation where although present sitution might make a dream seem like a fantasy , it doesnt necessarily make it one. A college drop out trying to invent a scientific product is a noteworthy dream, NOT a fantasy. You have to be able to assess your dream and be commited to your dream. I have seen so many people in various industries that had the passion for their dreams only for me to catch up with them a few years later and they are now pursuing another . If you hop from dream to dream, from project to project, you will probably end up not achieving anything at all. Can you sit down and say..'Look, this is my dream, this is what I want to do and I am prepared to be commited to this for the rest of my life. think of it this way, imagine having a dream as a job. If I were to walk up to you today and say 'Sign this contract, the contract says that you are to pursue your dream for the rest of your life and nothing else'..Would you hesitate? If you do hesiate, you are not ready to walk the walk for your dream. Give up now. There are a million other people with that same dream you have who will travel continents and sacrifice at a drop of a hat. Dont leave your dream too late either. Identify your dream and act. If you are a parent, instill this knowledge into your children and give them an advantage over their peers.
The right plan.
A dream is just a dream until you are living your dream. The journey in between, however, could be a tedious road full of surprise, highs and lows, unexpected turn of events, turmoil of emotions and painful lessons learned. The only thing you should not have is regrets. If you have regrets for following your dreams, it was probably just a fantasy and not a dream in the first place.
As we all know, failing to plan is a sure fire way of guaranteeing your failure. Any one who is serious enough to follow their dream whole heartedly should have a detailed and thoroughly researched plan. For example, if you wish to start a franchise of auto sales, your plan should detail more than getting a shop and hoping to sell one or two cars a month. You would need extensive research, estimaed costs, backup plans, resources, staff and a host of other things. Remember, just because you are deeply commited to your dream and have so much passion for it does not necessarily mean you will achieve your dreams , however, you would be on the right path to succeeding. If you cannot full-proof your plan to a certain degree, you might want to research more and make a more reasonable and suited plan. Another thing to consider is that most dreams require some capital, others, not as much. Ask questons such as 'do i have the means to get funding?', ' Do I have good enough credit to be assisted by financial institutions?'.
Secondly, do not be afraid to network and speak to people with similar dreams and ambitions. Networking is a key tool of any research. The wrong use of contacts could make or break your dream. Always research the reputation of all those linked financially or otherwise to your dreams to make sure they are not a move in the wrong direction. You will need to be able to detect frauds and move on quick.
Thirdly, you need to dispose of negativity around you. We have all heard of that one person's famous story where they say ' They said I would not make it..'. Surround yourself with people who are able to advice you positively and are genuinely interested in the growth of your dream. Believe it or not, these people may not even be family members. Infact, research shows that family can be a major negative force in achieving your dreams. You will need to become self motivated. You may have to put in more work hours or you my need to quit your job, but be aware that this is the stage that will make the most sense to you but will probably make no sense to an outsider looking in.
Lastly, once you have put all the effort and hardwork into making a plan and you are grounded in the basics of whatever field you are looking to break into, once you have a growing list of contacts, mentors, teachers and resources, you are half way there. Dont start to doubt yourself. most people dont actually make it to this stage and you have. Its now time to move on to executing the plan. Be prepared for anything but be determined to break through, not break even.
Art of Execution.
The mistake that some of those who actually get to the planning stage make is that they never execute it. This might be due to many reasons but for most part it is either a) Lack of commitment, or b) An inadequate plan. I cannot stress enough that if you cant be commited to one dream for the rest of your life, there is no point even trying to go for it. Give up now before it is 20 years later and you realise you have been dreaming all these years without proper planning and hence, no execution. Also, if your plan is faulty you cannot execute it. This is why it is important to go through your plan with people experienced in the field you are venturing into, ask question, read books, research, review your plan with a mentor, compare success stories etc. Now I am not saying that nasty surprises dont apear every now and again in the execution of your dream, however, an adequate plan would have numerous monthly back up plans for the 'just in case' moments.
Be ready to sacrifice, not 'sell out'. For example, if you are a model and was given a 1M a year contract subject to shaving/cutting your hair to achieve a certain look, please, suck it up and shave it off. If you have to whine or hesitate even though getting a 1M a year contract was your dream..then, honestly, you almost dont deserve it. I always tell people that dont change your main foocus or 'sell-out' in the hopes of achieving some bootleg version of your dreams. However, some things are more like sacrifices , for example, if the model above was given a 1M a year contract to pose nude for playboy, if this goes against everything she believes in, then she should not. There are more deeoper issues underlining a nude, playboy type model, for example, you will NEVER be able to do high fashion..not really. Sacrifices will have to be made, make no mistake about it.
Make daily, monthly, weekly and monthly targets for yourself and stick to the targets. Dont start falling behind on your deadlines. If you planned to loose 100lbs by working out twice a day on a calorie controlled diet, dont start working out once a week and chugging down the good old mcdonalds big meal with chocolate milkshake.
Keep ON TOP of your network. Sometimes, your big break into your dreams could happen through someone you least expect. Try to manage an address book and include little details like their birthday, address, their wife's name and where they were born. This way you can send them a christmas or birthday gift and they will be shocked that you remembered. This little gesture can go a LONG way.
Lastly, believe in yourself. Look, you are already in the execute stage. You are almost there, keep on top of your plan and your dream will probably soon become reality.
Now, a dream could be anything. It could an ambitional deam which might include owning your own business, getting on the forbes 100, becoming a reknown actress, worldwide envangelism and so on. However, there is nothing such as a small dream. We all dream of less ambitious but albeit impotant to us things, such as weight loss, finding our perfect life partner, having 3 children and so on. Whatever your dream(s) may be, realise that your ability to dream is your first step towards your journey of executing your dream. So, we all know what our dreams are, yet why is the majority settling for the next best deal offered by the push and pull of a pyramid society?
You and your dream.
There is a difference between a dream and a fanstasy. A 45 year old man with no experience in the music industry trying to become a rapper with 4kids and 3 grandson is having a fantasy and needs a reality check. Please understand that there are some situation where although present sitution might make a dream seem like a fantasy , it doesnt necessarily make it one. A college drop out trying to invent a scientific product is a noteworthy dream, NOT a fantasy. You have to be able to assess your dream and be commited to your dream. I have seen so many people in various industries that had the passion for their dreams only for me to catch up with them a few years later and they are now pursuing another . If you hop from dream to dream, from project to project, you will probably end up not achieving anything at all. Can you sit down and say..'Look, this is my dream, this is what I want to do and I am prepared to be commited to this for the rest of my life. think of it this way, imagine having a dream as a job. If I were to walk up to you today and say 'Sign this contract, the contract says that you are to pursue your dream for the rest of your life and nothing else'..Would you hesitate? If you do hesiate, you are not ready to walk the walk for your dream. Give up now. There are a million other people with that same dream you have who will travel continents and sacrifice at a drop of a hat. Dont leave your dream too late either. Identify your dream and act. If you are a parent, instill this knowledge into your children and give them an advantage over their peers.
The right plan.
A dream is just a dream until you are living your dream. The journey in between, however, could be a tedious road full of surprise, highs and lows, unexpected turn of events, turmoil of emotions and painful lessons learned. The only thing you should not have is regrets. If you have regrets for following your dreams, it was probably just a fantasy and not a dream in the first place.
As we all know, failing to plan is a sure fire way of guaranteeing your failure. Any one who is serious enough to follow their dream whole heartedly should have a detailed and thoroughly researched plan. For example, if you wish to start a franchise of auto sales, your plan should detail more than getting a shop and hoping to sell one or two cars a month. You would need extensive research, estimaed costs, backup plans, resources, staff and a host of other things. Remember, just because you are deeply commited to your dream and have so much passion for it does not necessarily mean you will achieve your dreams , however, you would be on the right path to succeeding. If you cannot full-proof your plan to a certain degree, you might want to research more and make a more reasonable and suited plan. Another thing to consider is that most dreams require some capital, others, not as much. Ask questons such as 'do i have the means to get funding?', ' Do I have good enough credit to be assisted by financial institutions?'.
Secondly, do not be afraid to network and speak to people with similar dreams and ambitions. Networking is a key tool of any research. The wrong use of contacts could make or break your dream. Always research the reputation of all those linked financially or otherwise to your dreams to make sure they are not a move in the wrong direction. You will need to be able to detect frauds and move on quick.
Thirdly, you need to dispose of negativity around you. We have all heard of that one person's famous story where they say ' They said I would not make it..'. Surround yourself with people who are able to advice you positively and are genuinely interested in the growth of your dream. Believe it or not, these people may not even be family members. Infact, research shows that family can be a major negative force in achieving your dreams. You will need to become self motivated. You may have to put in more work hours or you my need to quit your job, but be aware that this is the stage that will make the most sense to you but will probably make no sense to an outsider looking in.
Lastly, once you have put all the effort and hardwork into making a plan and you are grounded in the basics of whatever field you are looking to break into, once you have a growing list of contacts, mentors, teachers and resources, you are half way there. Dont start to doubt yourself. most people dont actually make it to this stage and you have. Its now time to move on to executing the plan. Be prepared for anything but be determined to break through, not break even.
Art of Execution.
The mistake that some of those who actually get to the planning stage make is that they never execute it. This might be due to many reasons but for most part it is either a) Lack of commitment, or b) An inadequate plan. I cannot stress enough that if you cant be commited to one dream for the rest of your life, there is no point even trying to go for it. Give up now before it is 20 years later and you realise you have been dreaming all these years without proper planning and hence, no execution. Also, if your plan is faulty you cannot execute it. This is why it is important to go through your plan with people experienced in the field you are venturing into, ask question, read books, research, review your plan with a mentor, compare success stories etc. Now I am not saying that nasty surprises dont apear every now and again in the execution of your dream, however, an adequate plan would have numerous monthly back up plans for the 'just in case' moments.
Be ready to sacrifice, not 'sell out'. For example, if you are a model and was given a 1M a year contract subject to shaving/cutting your hair to achieve a certain look, please, suck it up and shave it off. If you have to whine or hesitate even though getting a 1M a year contract was your dream..then, honestly, you almost dont deserve it. I always tell people that dont change your main foocus or 'sell-out' in the hopes of achieving some bootleg version of your dreams. However, some things are more like sacrifices , for example, if the model above was given a 1M a year contract to pose nude for playboy, if this goes against everything she believes in, then she should not. There are more deeoper issues underlining a nude, playboy type model, for example, you will NEVER be able to do high fashion..not really. Sacrifices will have to be made, make no mistake about it.
Make daily, monthly, weekly and monthly targets for yourself and stick to the targets. Dont start falling behind on your deadlines. If you planned to loose 100lbs by working out twice a day on a calorie controlled diet, dont start working out once a week and chugging down the good old mcdonalds big meal with chocolate milkshake.
Keep ON TOP of your network. Sometimes, your big break into your dreams could happen through someone you least expect. Try to manage an address book and include little details like their birthday, address, their wife's name and where they were born. This way you can send them a christmas or birthday gift and they will be shocked that you remembered. This little gesture can go a LONG way.
Lastly, believe in yourself. Look, you are already in the execute stage. You are almost there, keep on top of your plan and your dream will probably soon become reality.
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